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liv
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Re: Dude...
« Reply #30 on: Mar 16th, 2004, 3:45am »
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Ash, I'm glad you got a chance to defend yourself and you said some really great stuff.  I love the part about becoming less cynical simply because you realize that life isn't so bad.  I think that's a good change that a lot of people go through in relationships.  And it need not detract from who they are or what their politics are.  
 
I hope you two are ok and get to work things out privately.  Sibling stuff is so hard but you have always seemed to be really great at it.  Smiley
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Re: Dude...
« Reply #31 on: Mar 16th, 2004, 3:59am »
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ahh cynicism. My flesh and blood. See I've realized that love is THE only good thing in this world and that everything that doesn't contain love is to be viewed suspect and hazardous to the human condition. unfortunatly less and less in this world contains love (other than self love) so I grow more and more suspicious as time passes. If I were ever given a reason not to, p'raps I would change. Since I haven't I'll stay cynically yours,
  david a. bauer
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Re: Dude...
« Reply #32 on: May 27th, 2004, 2:23pm »
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no responsibilty, no commitments, no life of your own
he plows through her field of vision relentlessly
at the crack of a whip he follows and obeys
Not seeing how easily that he could be free
 
He's a killer slave
Murdering delicates in her wake
Slaughtering innocents who won't be saved
Making real become more and more fake
 
No obligation to anyone else but her
Promises are oblivious (unless your name is Kerry)
He talks as if he's better than me
And his promises are arbitrary
 
He's a killer slave
Burning family at the stake
Scrapping hearts that won't be saved
Making himself become more and more fake
 
You told all of our friends you don't like what I've become
But what makes you think that you're not any worse
You made them agree with you, all except for one
And you don't think that any of this hurts?
 
You're a killer slave
Deserving of nothing from me but still you take
Making me lose all the things that I've saved
And you think that I'm the one who's turned fake
 
 
 
That's for you Andy, and i hope you d**n
 well see this, if you can f**k
ing make a thread about how much less of a person I am now that i'm not angry anymore (god forbid i actually be happy for once) then i can add to it to tell everyone what an not a very nice person
 you are. I give up, OK? I'm not going to let you do this to me anymore. You're not worth it. I'm NOT sorry I'm not as perfect as you are, I'm NOT sorry that my boyfriend's not as pristine and perfect as your girlfriend, and i AM sorry that I acted like I didn't care all the times you're not there for me. You know what, why don't you just STOP LYING and acting like you support my future career in music? Actions speak louder than words, bro. And after this downward spiral that is my life is finished and i've hit bottom, and you ask yourself why taht happened, take a look in the mirror and see the person who was supposed to be one of my friends who DIDN'T disown me because i'm in love with an atheist, or who DIDN'T reject me and shoot me down repeatedly making me feel like trying to play music is superfluous. You know, you think that you can rely on someone, at least one person who will always be there for you, and I guess it's not you anymore. And if your rants had any effect, if I didn't have an awesome, caring boyfriend who's obviously more of a man than you, if he hadn't melted my frozen angry heart, i would have KILLED MYSELF BY NOW because there's nobody else since you don't care about me anymore! You know it's not even that big a deal that she's higher on your list of priorities than me, i'm not jealous anymore. and what the hell does "This is a personal attack on no one" mean when you've just ripped the hell out of my self-esteem? I hope you've accomplished everything you wanted. i hope that you realize that yes, I am a chick now, and yes, i have feelings now and you trampled them. Not once, not twice, i'm not going to sit and count. And what do you get in return? Unconditional love from me, forgiving every time you run a dump truck over my soul. I didn't care but now it's just built up to the point where I can't even trust you anymore! so in response to your "Dude," I'll raise you a "Sweet!" at the concept of me freeing myself from the emotional junkyard that you've turned me into.
 
But, no offense dude, i wasn't personally attacking anyone.
 
 
** correction/additive:  I mean ALMOST no one has been there.  Scott is the only one who's always there, and Kristine's not bad either Wink  At least they don't start a gossip column or contribute to it saying how much I suck at life.  You think you know someone....
« Last Edit: May 27th, 2004, 2:27pm by Ashley » IP Logged

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Re: Dude...
« Reply #33 on: Jun 10th, 2004, 3:33am »
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The last relationship I was in was a horribl relationship...I mean I changed everythin about mysel to meet this perect girlfriend status...I stopped writing on this very orum bcuase he said it was "too nerdy" or his irlriend to b doing. He actually went to the JS show at Valentines in April...and he siad it wasn't the crowd h ould han out ith and h lt as soon as theband ended...I spnt 2 and a half months being someon who Iwasn't and being more miserable thn I even dared to admit. I thouht if I became exactly what he wanted we would both be happier people. I wasted 2 months or watchin him play video games and anim cartoons...I would spend sat nights tivoing his anim so whn he came over after work...*(rouhly midnight) he could watch his shows. I also had to hav dinner cookd for him...and I missed out on hanging out with frinds because he didn't like them. Finally though, we broke up, and I will openly admit, I was sad...it took me a couple of days to admit to myself that I was more relived to get out of the relationship than not...we still remain friends, but the fact that im not miserable we broke up makes him mad, so he now delibratly does or says things to me to get a rise out of me. I don't know if I can even be his friends...and thats what kills me the most....
 
sorry for the rant...its just I learnt the hard way that no matter what kind of person you mold yourself into...in the long run, it will catch up to you, and you will either realize how sad you are, or the boyfriend will till decide your not perfect enough and drop you, leaving you even more miserable than before....
 
haha-I am better now...but I do believe love is non-exsistant
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Re: Dude...
« Reply #34 on: Jun 10th, 2004, 6:59am »
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Nicole, we are definitely glad to have you back on the forum!  It sounds like what happened with your relationship turned out to be the best thing for you, even if it didn't seem like it at first.  In hindsight you are realizing that you as a person are much better off without being under that kind of control.  Obviously it's not going to be an instant recovery but I think it's great that you already have that perspective on the situation.  You learned a lot from it.  We all hear about people being in negative relationships but we often don't recognize one if it's happening to us.  Congratulations on being strong and wise.
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Re: Dude...
« Reply #35 on: Jun 11th, 2004, 8:20am »
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ash, unfortuantly, i have just read this reply of yours, and im sorry that andy was being suck a dink... and i am still here when ya need me, ya can call any ol' time, and ill try to be here, since i cant be there (which really sucks) i can at least try and be there for ya here.........does that make sense to anyone? maybe just ashes...
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