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   Author  Topic: Writting  (Read 6464 times)
stars_at_night

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Re: Writting
« Reply #525 on: Nov 4th, 2003, 1:44pm »
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I'm not much of a poetry writer, I definetely prefer creative writing, but I want to hand a piece into my lit magazine and don't have time to do a story. I may submit this piece, but would adore some of your feedback, cause I suck at this game
 
Untitled
 
You say I'm fine the way I am
that you love me for me,
but I can see it in your eyes
that you wish I were someone else
 
someone pretty and perfect
smart and focused
someone I am not
 
you look right at me
but at the same time, right through
pretending I am someone else
someone worthy of your love
 
and when you say my name
you pretend it belongs to someone else
someone who isn't me
 
and when I'm gone, will you pretend it's someone else who left,
someone worthy of your tears?
or will it be someone else in your memories?
will that girl holding your hand have my face?
 
So I'll allow you to pretend I'm someone else
as long as that someone is worthy of your love
and I'll be ok when you say my name and see someone else's face
as long as it's my hand you hold.
 
And you can pretend I'm someone else when you say that you love me
as long as I hear those words
***
 
thanks kids<3
« Last Edit: Nov 5th, 2003, 11:10am by stars_at_night » IP Logged

-beth-
just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly
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Re: Writting
« Reply #526 on: Nov 4th, 2003, 1:51pm »
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wow... that....was ...really good
 
rock on
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Someone to love,
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Someone to love,
Someone like you.

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Folkien

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Re: Writting
« Reply #527 on: Nov 5th, 2003, 7:30am »
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I sit here all alone,
with a knife in my hand
and noone else is home.
Depression take over my mind
as i sit and stare at the phone,
cuz i know that i need help.
 
but the old familiar pain is calling,
calling to me..............
its call is getting hard to resits,
wanting to welcome me back
into its vicious embrace.
 
 
-jakob
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Re: Writting
« Reply #528 on: Nov 5th, 2003, 8:29am »
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wow  that was really good... depressing, but good
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And what you've got means such a lot to me

Someone to love,
Somebody new.
Someone to love,
Someone like you.

~The Beatles
JewJewBENjupsun

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Re: Writting
« Reply #529 on: Nov 5th, 2003, 9:00am »
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Beth Thats great....sad...but great, I totally can relate to it
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Re: Writting
« Reply #530 on: Nov 7th, 2003, 6:50pm »
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how is it so that just 20 minuets ago i felt like i wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and cry, just give up on everything and just stop, leave everything behind, not have to worry about anything, work, school, people, myself, just lay there and dissapear
now all of a sudden im sitting here grinning like an idiot just at the thought of you, at the thought of next time ill see you, touch you, hear your whisper in my ear. So im glad i found you, you come and save the day when im feeling down
you are my knight in shining armor
 
 
 
ok that was in a totally different style than im use to... but hey i kinda like it... ill call it..."changing moods"
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And what you've got means such a lot to me

Someone to love,
Somebody new.
Someone to love,
Someone like you.

~The Beatles
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Re: Writting
« Reply #531 on: Nov 8th, 2003, 6:45am »
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so this is something i just kind of threw together the other night, open mic, scott was sitting there right with me and this just came to mind... it's kind of the opposite of that one at the top of the page (which rocks by the way)
 
I know I couldn't ask any more of you beacuse you already do so much for me that I'm afraid I'll overflow/And I know I can't expect any more from you than you already give because being with you makes my dreams so/and I know who I am and I know that you know/because when you're around is when I let it show
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Love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night and love dares us to change our way of caring about ourselves. This is our last dance. This is ourselves under pressure.
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Re: Writting
« Reply #532 on: Nov 8th, 2003, 7:18am »
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awww ash thats awsome Smiley
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And what you've got means such a lot to me

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Re: Writting
« Reply #533 on: Nov 10th, 2003, 5:42pm »
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i thought the rest of you JSers (especially krist who likes steal me) might like this....
 
I'm not sure how to draw a path to get to moonlight....
Me neither, Ben. But when I look at the picture of Scott in the tree that's sitting on my desk I come up with all these ideas for how to draw a map so that we can get home or at least be together all summer. None of them seem to be plausible though, because really, can anyone draw that path through the moonlight? It's the same moon that lights up the night and changes us from one form to another when we're together. It's like we become something beautiful and are fused together into one beautiful ethereal body floating somewhere in that moonlight that the evergreen soldiers are pointing at in awe. The stars, still farther away from the earth than us, circle around, glittering and showing off our celestiality and all our angelic innocence and form. If you can find that shortcut along the stone wall, maybe you can see us too on the nights where the clouds aren't too thick. You'll be able to see the fireflies blink past Orion, and so will we. When we're together or apart, we're still the same childlike mind that marvels at the small miracles of astronomy (as he might say) or a deity (that i might say). We can shimmer and shine above the earth, above the physical universe somewhere in my mind's eye. Maybe this whole lifetime won't have to be spent yearning for more and we can just stay in the twilight that lingers longer than i'll be awake... i won't be awake for much longer... but i'll still see the moon, that beautiful fusion of our two opposite worlds, shining and burning its way through the dark... so come on... steal me and take me there in the silver light that surrounds his shape and makes him brighter than Islington to me. Let him steal me, and steal all the powers of the night to hold me encased in his arms as long as the moon stays up. Let's just sleep in the grass tonight. He can become my daydreams and my night dreams that never last. Before I once again start over, let me rest upon his shoulder. Is the love that I seek the love that I'm leaving behind for all of my dreaming?
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Love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night and love dares us to change our way of caring about ourselves. This is our last dance. This is ourselves under pressure.
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Re: Writting
« Reply #534 on: Nov 10th, 2003, 7:05pm »
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dude ash.... i do believe the walken said it best
 
woOW!
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And what you've got means such a lot to me

Someone to love,
Somebody new.
Someone to love,
Someone like you.

~The Beatles
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Re: Writting
« Reply #535 on: Nov 11th, 2003, 12:37pm »
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you tip your hat
down to me
a sign of respect
that is the key
 
You got this hat
as a present
it looks very good
it has a purpose dent
 
so when you take off your new hat
just for me
it makes me feel special
that is the key
 
 
yeah as we all know by now, i wrote that at the spur of the moment,"your new hat" sometimes the simplest guesture can make my day
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And what you've got means such a lot to me

Someone to love,
Somebody new.
Someone to love,
Someone like you.

~The Beatles
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Re: Writting
« Reply #536 on: Nov 11th, 2003, 3:53pm »
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I remember that day
with more colorful details
than I ever wanted to remember.
The way your eyes shifted,
trying to hide yourself from my eyes.
You were afraid of my reaction,
but you didn't care at all....
your emotions were hard to read.
You simply blurted out your news,
that you were leaving.
You told me it was for only a year,
but I knew you were to go forever,
you'd never come back to me.
How easily you turned away
and left me all alone.
No real explinations,
just pack your bags and leave.
No need to finish high school,
no need to think of your best friend,
your ex-girlfriend,
the girl who was in love with you.
Four years later,
I can still remember
how hard I cried that night.
I never wanted things to change,
I never wanted to say goodbye.
Four years have gone by,
I wonder how it could've been.
If you had loved me too,
if you had cared for me at all.
That day will always be in my mind,
the day I lost it all.
The day I lost you.
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"One night I met you as the rain glistened in the shine of your eyes."- Melee

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Re: Writting
« Reply #537 on: Nov 11th, 2003, 4:00pm »
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*sneif snief*  
 
bravo val... wonderfull*sniff*
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And what you've got means such a lot to me

Someone to love,
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Someone to love,
Someone like you.

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  grandexaltedstar2002   JuiceboxDutchess
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Re: Writting
« Reply #538 on: Nov 11th, 2003, 6:41pm »
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You're too kind.
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Re: Writting
« Reply #539 on: Nov 12th, 2003, 12:20pm »
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im falling so fast
the clouds are swirling around me
im moving so fast
but is it really a bad thing?
 
where is the ground?
shouldnt i have hit it by now
im moving like the wind
flying twards the ground
 
im still not there
and i dont think ill ever make it
cause im falling so fast  
and its not such a bad thing
 
"falling so fast" yep you guessed it, wrote it on the spot.... Smiley
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And what you've got means such a lot to me

Someone to love,
Somebody new.
Someone to love,
Someone like you.

~The Beatles
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